Shit.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

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Promise

I will not harm myself with food today.
I can do it tomorrow if I want to, tomorrow is another day and not of concern right now. Just for today I will stick to my plan and eat right.

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Day 23: Promise

I promise I won’t harm myself with food today. I’m not thinking about tomorrow. I’ll think about that when it comes.

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This is why…

…working in an office can be quite hard sometimes.

I go to the loo and come back and there’s this on my desk. And someone touting carrot cake, and Bakewell tarts.

Unf.

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Day 22: Three weeks clean

The keen-eyed among you will realise I have missed 2 days of posting. Here I am back, and pleased to report I am still clean, and still feeling good with it. The scales are not reflecting much change but my clothes are, as is my mood. I have to remember that as well as cardio I have also begun lifting weights, so some of the stasis will be fat to muscle conversion. Muscle, as you may know, weighs much more than fat. I can feel my middle tightening up (from the running), and my jeans fit much better.

That said, I think it’s time to start thinking about adding some (more) structure to my eating. Thus far I have focused on being clean from sugar, on not feeling possessed by my own appetites. I feel comfortable in this; comfortable enough that I didn’t feel the need to post the last two days, I made the promise in my head, and survived not only a day out in the city with a friend but also a cinema trip by planning ahead and allowing myself more of the foods that I know don’t trigger my sugar demon.

Low carb seems to be what works for me. My diet has been sort of defaulting to low carb the last 3 weeks, but I haven’t been tracking calories or nutrients much. My biggest carb intake has been through my reliance on whole milk and walnuts to supplement me when I have been hungry, and caffe lattes to treat myself when I might otherwise have felt deprived. From experience I know that while keto style eating suits me fine, there are a couple of things that always trip me up:

    Missing milk, and lattes in particular: ends up with me taking in far more calories of something else (eg coffee with cream)
    Not counting my intake of calories and nutrients (carbs, fat, protein): ends up with me being in ketosis but not losing due to inadequate deficit in input/output levels.
    Allowing the combined effects of both to derail my plans and send me back to my unhappy world of self-loathing and overeating.

With these things in mind, I need to go about devising a daily food plan that accounts for: disruptions in routine, social gatherings and eating out, and (most importantly) some allowance for my inner latte freak. There must be a way.

More on that later then. For now, I promise I will not harm myself with food today. I will not think about tomorrow until it arrives.

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Day 19: No breakfast

Day 19: No breakfast

We went for a drive out to a waterfall near Settle. It was very cold, but very beautiful. I didn’t have any breakfast, because we wanted to get out early and also… I just wasn’t that hungry. I had a latte to keep me going, and I’ve just now filled up on a cheese omelette.

Anyway. I promise I won’t harm myself with food today (even though I sort of want to, and my partner is really on a ‘trying to drag you down with me’ trip today). I just need to get through today. Tomorrow I can binge if I want to, but not today.

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Day 18: Promise and success

I promise I won’t harm myself with food today. I will stick to the plan, and not think about tomorrow until tomorrow arrives.

The meal out last night was a success! I didn’t have the sashimi in the end (too pricey) but opted for a chicken salad (lovely but slightly miserly with the chicken ratio), a miso soup and some gyoza. The gyoza were a bit more carby than perhaps is strictly good, but they were boiled not fried, made up for the lack of chicken, and the fact that I forgot to eat lunch.

Today I am having afternoon coffee with a relatively new work friend, so I have to be careful not to get nervous and slip up. She’s being careful with food too though, so we should be able to support each other in that regard.

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